Not this again. (Don’t bother reading this unless you’re as fascinated by feet as I am. I promise you that you are not.)
Back in March I was at a performance rehearsal and rolled my ankle pretty badly doing basically a beginner dance. I landed with all of my weight on my collapsed right ankle, heard a pop, and was down. I still cringe when I think about it. I didn’t think it was that big a deal, it’s happened before, but then I couldn’t walk.
Got an x-ray at an urgent care clinic that night, they said it was just a bad sprain. The DO gave me crutches ad an air cast and sent me on my way.
About a week later, I felt almost up to par, so I went back to dance. May came along, and I still felt pain even doing simple drills, so I scheduled an ortho appointment for when I got home.
I should probably note here that I had a similarly awful injury on the same ankle last spring. I saw a podiatrist then, and got an MRI. I went into a boot for about a month, and didn’t think much of it. Still had occasional pain and never got back full range of motion, but it was close enough that I figured I was fine.
I went to the ortho this time because it was the same ankle, and since I rolled it this time, I’ve re-rolled it twice more. Minor rolls, but it just sets me back as far as recovery time. I was mainly concerned about getting strength back so I wouldn’t keep hurting myself. I figured he’d schedule me for some PT and I’d be out of his hair.
Instead, he scheduled a CT scan, and told me at my follow-up this week that I fractured the anterior process of the calcaneus.
Wut.
It’s the tip of the heel bone, and anatomically it’s located just beneath all the ligaments in your ankle, so it’s often misdiagnosed as a sprain.
He also believes the fracture first occurred last year, the first time I fell, and went unnoticed.
These fractures are a struggle to heal to begin with, but now that mine is supposedly over a year old, there’s not much to do for it. He gave me a cortisone shot ad told me to take it easy for a few days, but other than that… “These fractures don’t heal.”
Sounds all too familiar, doc…
Why can’t I just break like my fifth metatarsal like a NORMAL PERSON. Six weeks in a boot, some PT, done. Healed. Carry on.
No. I fracture my sesamoid and and my calcaneus. Two of the most incredibly difficult bones to treat.
Obviously some outside forces don’t want me dancing. Finally starting to pick up on this. But I just… I’m not ready, not satisfied. I was so close to Worlds last year (relatively?). I’m not doing Nationals this summer to save money for one more Regionals. If I can just do one more, move up those last 4 spots… I broke my ankle doing St. Patrick’s Day. I’m a two-time national qualifier (wow thats so good shut up) and this is just not an acceptable way to end a career.
I’m frustrated, to say the least. I’m probably going to take a little break, and get a second (third) opinion from the PTs I’m working with. I just want a definitive prognosis FOR ONCE, is that too much to ask?
If you read all of that I’m so sorry. Just thinking out loud. Bye now.

Extensive twitter rants about Season 5 of American Idol

(Although if you enjoy stuff like that, and also songs I like, news updates and the occasional buzzfeed article, follow me @thekerryhudnall)

WINK.

-when attitudes are changed in order to accommodate and justify one’s actions

Summer is here, for most of us, and it’s lovely to be able to just fall back into routine with our loved ones back home. Knowing that I’d have my biggest team of supporters here waiting for me once I got back was a huge factor that helped get me through finals, and the semester in general. I’m excited to be here, to work, to play, to dance, all with my favorite people.

But it’s crazy being here and seeing how much some things have changed in a year. Places and people. For better or worse.

The 183 construction consistently throws me for a loop (literally…) and I pretty much don’t know how to get anywhere anymore. On the bright side, there’s now a DAIRY QUEEN and soon to be a Potbelly subs, so I’m not that upset.

I am upset, not rightfully so, about how some of the people a year ago I considered closest to me have changed.

This is completely unreasonable because everyone is entitled to live the life that they choose and make their own decisions because we really do live in such a beautiful country and college is a time for self-discovery and growing up and it happens away from home so of course people will change their attitudes and their actions and I have no room to judge because I knew all of this going into school last summer and I saw it coming and people are just different and environment plays such a huge role and we’re all just rolling stones, rag tag teams of ne’er-do-wells trying to make it in this lonely world…

But it still hurts when you can’t even relate to people you’ve shared so much with anymore. People you grew up and shared interests, jokes, ideologies with. Now that’s all but impossible. I’m sure I’ve done my fair share of “changing” this past year as well, but I guess I had kind of hoped we could overcome that. And in most cases, in most of my relationships, we did. Those are the people I’m still closest to, and probably will be closest to for like, ever. But when empathy is faked and conversations are endured rather than enjoyed, there’s your warning signal. All is not well here.

In spite of all that, the pros of being home far outweigh the cons. Excited to start interning, start working, keep dancing…and to just relax for a while. Read some books. Drink some tea. I worked really hard the last year and I’m so grateful for the break. Enjoy your summer, reader. Seize the season. *wink* *thumbs up* *cue fireworks*

There is a special place in my heart for Kristen and Maya. Forever and for always.

Rhonda and Fonda; never forget.

It’s good to be back.